My Tryst with Gaseousness

Here is a summary of what transpired in one of my B-school interviews. Phrases within {} represent the voice of my alter ego.

The process was scheduled to begin at 9.00 AM and most of the interviewees had reached a good half hour before. One of the faculty members came out and split us into batches of 3 and asked us to follow the other faculty members who were designated to our panels. {We were being led to the altar}.

The topic for the group discussion goes something like this:

“You are walking by a railway track one evening when you notice that a certain section of the track has gone missing - a sure act of terrorist sabotage. A Rajdhani express is expected on this line in a few seconds and at least a dozen people will surely die if the train uses the damaged track. You notice a switch gear that will divert the track to an adjoining unused line. The catch – An old couple have built their hut on the unused line. You do not have time to alert the driver of the train or the old couple. Will you switch the line or not? ”

After the initial few minutes by which time most of the valid points where exhausted and the group had more or less concluded that it would switch the line {for whatever reason!!}, it was time for creativity – we still had 8 minutes of talk time left. The suggestions started pouring in (P* being the participants) –

P1 - Let us wave a red flag and warn the driver.

P2 – Where will you get a red colored flag (or cloth) at that time?

P1 – I will look around and I will surely find one {waah!} I could probably be wearing a red colored dress {waah waah!} I could probably be wearing red colored under-garments {Govinda ka judwa bhai!}

P3 – We are talking about a Rajdhani here. At those speeds, do you think the driver will even notice some person making some signals/waving to him? Also, in India, it is habitual that people {let alone kids} wave at any moving object – train, airplanes etc. So how do you think we can warn the driver through signals, even if we want to?

P4 – No, we surely can; He performs a series of mono-acts displaying the posssible ways in which it can be done {A good comic relief!}

P5 – Ya, I agree with P3 that the driver may not understand the intensity of the situation; So, I will stand in the middle of the track to indicate the seriousness {Dude, trains do not have front view mirrors! Are your reflexes quick enough to save yourself from getting killed?}

After some more churning of creative juices {Don’t get me wrong here!} and repetition of points for the ‘n’th time, we were asked to stop. {Ah! What a relief!}

Next, time for the one on ones. I was the last to be interviewed from the list of 10 people in our panel.

Despite the 3 visits to the canteen and the time spent on reading every word from the day’s newspaper {A compatriot even asked if there was so much stuff on the newspaper!}, I was yet to be called in. During this time, I got my periodic shots of gyaan from every dude who completed his interview – about the fundae/aptitudes/probabilities {and what not!} that were being quizzed and the ensuing discussions around those. People even resorted to such barbaric acts as giving out correct {?} answers to the questions that were un-answered or incorrectly answered by the unassuming souls who just came out of the interview thinking they fared well. {People, please learn to live and let live!} In that sense, I was fortunate to be the last guy on the panel.

So that I was not left behind in giving fundaes {which would have amounted to my displaying callousness towards the entire process}, I chipped in with my mite {though purely restricted to the non-academic, the non-technical, the non-gaseous, the emotional kinds}. Here goes:

One of the acquaintances whom I met in the morning and was interviewed by one of the other panels mentioned that at the end of the process, the panelists wished him “All the best!” which he considered as a sign of having not performed well.

(Me enters) I tell him how wishing “All the best!” does not equate to “Better luck elsewhere” or “Better luck next time”. It’s just a formal way of ending an interview just as you would have said “Thank You!” and some such gyaan….. {Please make note of this. For those of you who have watched Schindler’s list, this is the equivalent of the scene where a girl dressed in red is seen walking beside the troops}

Finally, I am called in. After the initial exchange of pleasantries, thus goes…

[P1 – gentleman , P2 – lady]

[P1] - Tell me something about yourself

[Me] - Blah..Blah..Pause after some time. Is there something specific you wanted to know? {Yeah, I read interview guides too :) especially after I was not interrupted during my 10-minute monologue for the same question in one of my previous expeditions!}

[P2] - Why did you switch your board after tenth? From ICSE to ISC?

[Me] - It is in fact the same board maam. It is just named differently.

[P2] - Why should it be named differently?

[Me] - Gave some answer. {Excellent! The tone for the interview has been set – It is called ‘arbit’}

[P2] – What is the difference between a firm and an organization? {At this point, she has not even looked at my transcripts – so she does not even know that I could have studied some management related subjects. What a question madam ji?}

[Me] – Tried to put some educated {?} guesses.

[P2] – You are not giving me the text book definition.

[Me] – Oh ok! {Textbook? What? }

[P2] – Oh, you studied IT. Tell me the policies that the government has introduced for IT development in India.

[Me] – Answers

[P2] – Oh, you are from Karnataka. Tell me what are the health care policies that the government has introduced and who introduced them.

[Me] – Gave some policies introduced by the contemporary government.

[P2] – Give me the specifics of some ‘X’ policy

[Me] – Blah..Blah

[P2] – I want more specifics

[Me] – Hmmn…I am not aware maam {I am still surprised that I knew these blah..blah things that I just mentioned. Let me soak in the pleasure!}

[P2 asks P1 to grill. I am just bundling all these questions as the answers to those are better left un-revealed :) ]

[P1] – Why should an NGO be called an NGO? What is the difference between Reliance and an NGO? Why is NGO not a firm? Is Reliance a firm or an organization? Do you work for a firm or an organization? Arbit unlimited....{Was the distinction between firm, organization etc the breaking news of the day? Were some new laws introduced on that? Did I miss that in my long rendezvous with the newspaper this morning?}

[Me] – bow..bow..bow..

[P1] – Do you know something from your acads atleast?

[Me] – Sure. Will give it a try {No! No! Don’t get lured into the trap!}

[P1] – Few statistics related questions

[Me] – Answered

[P1] – Give me a real world (not mathematical) usage for determinant. Give me a practical usage for {something..I don’t even remember}.

[Me] – meow..meow..meow..

{P1 interrupts while I am talking..Brings to an end my extended stay in gaseousness}

[P1] – All the best! (with a sarcastic look of course) You may go!

[Me] – OK!

[Walk out with the sound of 'All the best' still ringing in my ears]

{Back to Schindler’s list – This is the scene where the girl dressed in red has been killed. Now I know what that other guy must have felt like in the morning! Lesson Learnt - Never give unsolicited fundae! It may come back and haunt you earlier than you expect!}